It is 2012, and the beginning of summer. 1 year ago today, I was slamming heroin on the daily and was deeply addicted to the feeling it gave me. I lusted after the way it hid my emotions, and just let me be in silence with myself and the walls that surrounded me. Though, at the time, they didn’t just surround me. They trapped me in. They trapped in every single ambition that I ever thought I had, and never let them escape. Days were spent walking the half mile between house to apartment, nothing ever feeling like home. Hanging out with friends was a 24 hour schedule, one that never ended. Final Fantasy 13 was the only thing keeping me together as the drugs were tearing me apart. I had just flown back this month from Texas, an experience that had crushed my poor little heart beyond repair. I was in a long distance relationship for 1 year and 4 months with a guy from there, whom I had met when he was in my town. We had finally saved up enough money to fly me out there so we could have our “happily ever after”. Psh, that boy was the single thing in my life that had been holding me back from all of my dreams. He was the one painting murals in my head and constantly keeping me attached on his leash of control. Needless to say, once I was 1,200 miles away from home, I was so vulnerable and feeding into this lie of a good life. That was where everything that had been broken kept breaking and shattering. I only stayed out there for 3 months, with the last 2 months being the most miserable since I could remember. He was constantly cheating on me, and abusing me, and putting me down. I only put up with it because I loved him so deeply and hoped that things would change. Anyway, back to the point. I was numbing myself with drugs after I came back, and got kicked out of my friend’s house whom I was staying with. I then stayed with other friends in a small, low scale apartment that was being payed for by money I had saved up.. But we only had one month left. The bills were piling up too high. One night, as I was tearing myself apart inside and playing my xbox, I got a phone call from a friend. I hadn’t talked to her in a couple years except for small talk, but she invited me to this party. I was in a boss battle, trying to get Oden as one of my eidolons. After an hour of persuasion, I walked down to the party.
When I walked in, I recognized a couple people I went to high school with and was introduced to everyone. I mixed myself a rum and coke, sat down at the hookah table, and started to finally socialize. I have never been a social person, mind you. I am very shy and act as if my past horrors live on top of my skin. I have social anxiety and am very nerdy, so it’s hard for me to make friends with people. Yada yada, I became somewhat acquainted with this handsome boy named Anthony. We talked all night, and were getting along great. We left the party together in a group with my friend and her boy, and had a really good night meeting more new people. I couldn’t go back to the apartment at 4am, so we snuck into his best friend’s house to sleep. Now, most guys bring girls “home” to fuck them. We did the opposite of that. Rather, we talked about the most random things all night and cuddled until we fell asleep. After that night, the rest was history. We hung out every single day, and slept next to eachother every single night for 2 weeks before anything more ever happened. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I happily accepted! Taking things slow was the best decision I ever made. Now it is the beginning of next summer, and we are still together, going on 1 year of dating. We live together, and really we could not be happier. From the first day after we went back to his friend’s house, I had quit heroin cold turkey. I thought to myself, “This one is worth it. He can numb me better than any drug can, and keep me happy and worry-free.” To this day, I have been clean off of hard drugs. We smoke weed together every day, and have quite the drama-free relationship. It saddens me to think that he has lost all of his old friends in this relationship endeavor with me. Not even his best friend, does he communicate with anymore. We have created an amazing life together, to make eachother happy, and prosper above this negative world.
As I come to a conclusion, I would like to thank whomever made it to the end of this story. I realize it is long, but I had to type it out somewhere for others to read. I hope that my story of overcoming drug addiction may inspire someone, somewhere, to make a change. Make change for yourself, and cut that tie to the past that has been holding you back for months or even years. You can do it, you can rise. Be the best that you can be in your eyes. :]<3
